Four Love Me Do Couples talk about their Non Traditional Weddings and Elopements
A few weeks ago we chatted with four of our previous clients, each who had non-traditional weddings. Ranging from micro-weddings, elopements, and at-home weddings, our couples are here to answer some questions and tell you about their special days!
We want to reiterate: We love weddings of every shape and size! From elopements on a mountain top, to full all-night-long dance parties, every wedding is special and we are so in love with our couples. We are looking forward to celebrating your wedding, however it unfolds, and supplying you with unforgettable photos of the day.
Why did you choose to elope rather than have a traditional wedding?
We love attending big weddings but when it came to our own, the idea of putting all of it together seemed unnecessarily stressful! It was a day to celebrate each other and we didn't feel like we needed a lot of people there to feel that ourselves. I also don't care to be in the spotlight ever so this was a nice way to honor each other while not feeling stressed that we needed to entertain people.
How did you involve your friends and family even though they were not present for the "ceremony"?
Our family knew when it was happening even though they did not attend. I think our parents were kind of bummed but both my parents and grandparents eloped so it kind of felt like tradition to just do it that way! We were able to celebrate with family during our next in-person visit and shared photos with everyone.
What was your favorite thing about the wedding day?
Jeff says "everything was a favorite!".
We woke up early and spent time with each other before I left for a salon appointment to get my hair/make up done. Before I left for the appointment, I wrote out my vows and left them in Jeff's suit that hung in our bedroom. It was nice to have a short time a part to get ready before we took photos together. We were able to have photos (Thanks to the lovely photographers at Love Me Do!) taken in our courtyard and across the street outside of this beautiful, historic quaker meeting house. It was such a fitting backdrop. Meeting and hugging friends at City Hall was really special, too! Since we eloped, we tried our best to make the details perfect. We ate dinner at our favorite restaurant, our best friend made us a cake that we ate in a little neighborhood park, and after hours we met up with a group of friends at a local beer garden. To top it off, we were able to get married on the anniversary of the day we met which fell on the summer solstice, which is the longest day of the year!
If given the chance to do it all over again? Would you keep everything the same? Would you make any changes?
We have now been married for almost 2 years now and looking back, we wouldn't change a thing! The whole day was pretty low key but filled with our favorite things.
Any advice for couples looking to elope?
Do it! The money you save from a small ceremony/party/elopement you can put towards your future together! That seems worth it to us.
Liz and Chris started their wedding process by planning on a big wedding at a beautiful outdoor venue. As the date grew closer, they decided that the big wedding wasn’t for them and they switched to a more intimate day. Their wedding consisted of about 50-60 guests and their two sons as best men.
Tell us a little bit about your wedding experience now that you can look back on it:
We had originally planned a big wedding. While we were planning the wedding, we were also planning the honeymoon and saw what we would be spending. It took us days to come up with a pro and con list. When we both let our selves be genuine and focused on what we wanted, we knew that we wanted to keep it as simple as possible. We had to regroup and focus on the things that actually mattered to us and in doing so, got rid of all the fluff, which alleviated a lot of stress. We had already envisioned how things were going to go and then realizing that it wasn’t going to happen any more and that was heartbreaking. So we thought of what we could do that felt special and meaningful to us.
Watching weddings now having to postpone with all the uncertainty, we're really grateful for how our wedding went. We lost a lot of our deposits which we accounted for, we understood that they had to run a business, and even knowing that we were going to loose deposits, we still decided that this was what we were going to do. We ate the money and I'm glad that we did.
If he and hi could've eloped, we would have. Because we down-sized our wedding, we were able to go crazy with our honeymoon and absolutely splurged. It was completely worth it. We toured through Italy, Granada, Spain and spent 2 and a half weeks in utter bliss.
What was your favorite part of your wedding day?
It felt like everyone there with us to celebrate the day, were all people who were deeply invested in being in our lives. It felt like it was our big family - everyone got to hang out and spend time together. We got to spend time with all of our guests individually, but people at our wedding also got to meet other people who are important in our lives.
Do you have any advice for people looking to downsize their weddings?
Pick a few things that are really important for you for the wedding and don’t get bogged down with other details. If you can shift your perspective and make a new thing special, it can be just as good. We wanted a good photographer, delicious food and a great intimate space which is why we went with Osteria. A billion different things go wrong and what it really comes down to is: why are you doing this in the first place? Focus on the marriage instead of the wedding. Instead of making sure that everything is perfect, allow yourself to be in the moment and enjoy it for what it is.
One more bit of info:
Beth at Osteria was such a huge help. She was absolutely amazing! We honestly could not have pulled it off without her. The day of the wedding, so many things went haywire and we were completely off schedule. She stepped up and set everything up when shit hit the fan. She organized everything and never complained. Beth is not only extremely professional, but anything that we asked for, she accommodated us. The waitstaff was also so attentive and sweet.
Another part of what the day that made us really comfortable was working with Love Me Do!
What was the main reason you chose to elope?
This was the most intimate moment for Rich and I, and neither of us love being up in front of people, and Rich even more-so is a very private person, so a big ceremony just never made sense to us! A private moment for us made way more sense.
What was the significance in the location you picked to elope?
Mt. Tamalpais in the Marin Headleads, just north of SF. We actually originally had booked a courthouse wedding, but when we went to get our marriage license, something felt wrong. That was not where we were going to do it. So we took an afternoon drive that weekend on highway 1, pulled off, walked down a path and said "this is it". We had the mountain, the ocean, trees, a field..it was warm and just perfect.
How did you choose who would be present with you at the elopement?
We asked my bother to officiate. He's an important person to me and Rich and him connected early on in our relationship over bikes so he has been a close part of our relationship for a long time. I asked my bff Colleen to be our witness. We've been with each other through so many moments in life, big and small and I wanted to have her by my side for this. Last minute I decided I didn't want to do this without my parents there, so we invited them to come and read something for us during the ceremony. Rich is really comfortable around them, so I'm thankful he was ok inviting them into our moment. I'm so glad they were there.
Tell me a little bit about the party in the evening? Was everyone supportive about you eloping in private and celebrating with family later?
The private moment was for us, but we certainly wanted to celebrate with ALL THE FRIENDS! We rented out the patio of a Mexican restaurant we love in the Presidio of SF, and had a Taco bar. Neither of us are big dancers, so we just had a playlist going for mood, no official toasts, just a good time to hang with all our friends and family. Almost everyone was in support of our decision to elope :) There's always got to be one person right? My in-laws never told us directly, but they didn't understand, which led them to feel hurt. My SIL harbored some anger and resentment for a few years, which was more about some of her issues she needed to work out. We've moved past it now. The next morning we rented a huge bus, got donuts and coffee and took everyone up to the redwoods! We had a picnic and got to soak up some more time with everyone.
Any advice for couples looking towards eloping?
Weddings have become a "community" event, and I hear time and time again when people are planning weddings that they chose this thing to please this person, or had to invite this person so they wouldn't be hurt, etc. We set 2 rules for ourselves: We weren't going to make ANY decisions based on anyone else's feelings. This was about us, and for us, and we were going to do it our own way, no ifs ands or butts. The second was not supporting any vendors who used inflated wedding pricing. This left me to do my own hair and makeup, to get our own flowers from the bodega that morning (some of my favorite pictures and the sweetest memory from that day). and get an actually delicious cake from a cafe that we love! My dress was from Bloomingdales, for $200..We just truly threw all tradition to the wind and planned a weekend to celebrate US!
What was your favorite part about your wedding celebration?
Oh gosh, that whole weekend was truly special. I think that quiet moment right after it was official, my dad popped a bottle of sparkling rosé, and we just stood in the sun as husband and wife. Absolutely glorious.
What was the main reason why you opted for an at home wedding?
My "at home" wedding took place at my families farm property 3.5 hours away from where I live and work full time. The main reason we wanted to have it there is because it is such a meaningful space for me and because the landscape is so open and beautiful in comparison to where we and most of our family and friends live.
When planning your "at home" wedding: what were some of the challenges vs working at a venue that usually provides everything?
The main thing that was challenging by not working with an actual venue is that we had to think of, plan for, and provide all the amenities. Instead of just paying a flat rate to have certain things provided, like bathrooms, sinks, places for people to stay, parking, chairs, tables, a dance floor, food, desserts, bartenders, etc- we had to do the footwork to find vendors, coordinate and schedule their timing, keep track of all their details the day-of, and ultimately make realizations days before the wedding that only generous friends, family and neighbors could assist with last minute.
What was your favorite thing about having an at home wedding?
My favorite thing about my at home wedding was that I got to share such a special place with all our friends and family on that special day. I will never forget seeing the dramatic moon rise from behind the hillside after the sun went down. That night my husband, dog and I trekked with flashlights out into the middle of a farm field in the middle of the night to sleep in a tent under a lightning-bug-filled tree. The combination of summer heat and cool evening temperatures solidified my memory of that day as a feverish dream.
If you have one bit of advice to couples who are planning a backyard wedding, what would it be?
I think backyard, DIY weddings are a more manageable pursuit for an event with a smaller guest list, maybe 75 people max. When all was said and done we hosted about 180 people that day, which was just SO many people and details to keep track of. I also wish we would have paid someone else to keep track of managing day-of details, communication, and schedule of events. I found out later that there were many moments when vendors and guests were coming up to my husband that day with questions and problems that needed to be solved. (not ideal!)
Would you do it again?
I kind of hate this question because what is right and works for one person isn't going to work for another. I don't regret having those special memories now with our friends and families at that place. We were able to tackle so many farm property projects that we're still benefiting from and we accomplished them because we had the wedding as a deadline. I also feel kind of proud of what we were able to provide for that many people for the amount of money we spent because it was in a rural area and all our vendors were mostly friends and family. We also saved some money because I'm a professional floral designer and did the flowers myself. (which is also crazy!) Overall, I think I'd do it again because I think I could do it better, but I wouldn't necessarily encourage other people to do what we did.
Thanks Monica + Jeff, Liz + Chris, Lana + Richard, and Kat + Michael for sharing your stories with us! We are so fortunately to have you as our clients!